Birthday Blog – Letting Go The Sad Child

A story of allowing oneself the awareness to feel into limiting inner patterns … all towards letting that become the platform in enabling us to take that one extra step forward into new growth.

Its my Birthday today ! 🤗  … And today, I inadvertently gave myself one of the better presents I’ve given myself through me just listening to that inner voice. 🙌

 I’m not one for big celebrations but instead tend to become more the introvert, shying away and going within on my birthday. Over recent years I have also learnt to become more “comfortable” in being more “selfish” in how I choose to honour this day versus me feeling the need to oblige towards how the family would like to celebrate with / for me.

Something Happens Unintended 

The words that came to mind was “Sad Child” …. and from nowhere, I stated to feel emotional and tears started welling up on my eyes

This year, I decided to spend the 1st half of the day in quiet time, in quiet reflection at the beach. This entailed a long beach walk, reading a good book (Birthing a New Reality by ChristinA Ritchie – highly recommended) 👍 plus some meditative time with inner reflection … and naturally complete with my smoothies and coffee. 😅

Now, I have been sporting a right shoulder pain for a few months. Its related to the shoulder complex and instability within the scapula. But I have sensed for a while, the main contributing factor was more energetical but had little success with resolve.

As I gave myself the time to “just be” today and allowed myself to go within, sitting on the beach, questions were put to my inner self as to what the deal was with the shoulder. Then the answers started flowing in intuitively ;

    • Was this primarily a physical related issue ? … No
    • Was it more of a Mental or Spiritual nature ? … No
    • Was it an Emotionally related matter … Yes
    • Could you show me what this is about ? … Bang, it happened !!!

The words that came to mind was “Sad Child” …. and from nowhere, I suddenly started to feel emotional and tears started welling up on my eyes … Interesting, my conscious mind ponders 🤔.

I’m always applying therapeutical work on myself and over time have gone in deep and addressed a lot of issues going back to childhood, in the womb and even too at my own conception (a story for another day that ). But there are always layers upon layers, and these take time.

The message that came thru was, yes we have done the work, but we were still somehow holding on to the “sad child” within and that it was now time to let him go, he has played and fulfilled his role. It was time to set him free.

As I sat on the beach with the ocean in front of me, what presented in my mind’s eye were two versions of me aged approximately between five and seven years of age … there was the Sad Child and the Happy Child. They played together for a short spell and eventually Happy said goodbye to Sad and escorted him to the edge where the waves greeted the beach. It was time for Sad Child to go and I had to make a conscious choice as a start to let him go and to say goodbye.

Letting Go 

Gosh, this was hard for me. Out of nowhere an unexpected flood of emotions poured out into me and here am sitting on the beach tears streaming down my face … geez, its my birthday … come on !! 😅

To my surprise, it was really hard for me to let go of Sad Child, it would appear that I’ve identified with this younger persona of me so much that he had become engrained into the core of me. It was like loosing a part of me, an old friend .. in reality it was indeed so … BUT … that part was holding me back with regards my next level of growth. At a deep subconscious level, that association of me, how I identified myself with and as the “Sad Child” had to be fizzled out, disbursed from within my neurological pathways and energy bodies.

The memories would stay, but these would now have to be integrated into and within Happy Child. Oddly though, I have always struggled to relate to Happy Child, probably no thanks to my own childhood perceptions of myself and my childhood conditioning. Even now I struggle with embracing, feeling fun and joy into my life, but I am learning. 🤗

Trusting Guidance 

What I term the “Divine” guided me today, to do what I did to make the choices leading to alone time, to be reflective inwards, What today did for me was to lead me deeper in a sense of awareness of what I was holding on that no longer serves me, what to let go and what to now connect to in turn. I have grown to adhere to these little nudges, whims, voices and they almost never fail to deliver in some way or form .. naturally one has to trust first. 😀

My task henceforth was to learn to embody, resonate more with Happy Child. Now, it would seem that Sad Child did not necessarily go away completely … an aspect of it lingered / faded at the water’s edge in my mind’s eye, but that was still good enough, it was progress, I am guessing there will be more to this story as time unfolds.

Now, here’s the interesting observations … as I let go of Sad Child, thanked him and gave him permission to go, my body (sitting in a crossed leg position) started to spontaneously straighten up and it felt like my spine started to lengthen, I felt taller sitting down .. LOL ! 😅

The next message that came into me was, “Sad Child has no place in me anymore” and that I had to “embody Happy Child”. In my mind’s eye, Happy Child came into my body both from the front into my heart space and too from the back, merging into me … Wow !, that reinforced the physical reactions I had above even more.

Moving On – Healing

All in all it was a good birthday for me

Sad Child now started to fade into the water, and I started burping and yawning. This for me is an expression of an energetical clearing taking place. It happens within me when I work with clients as I clear energy within them and too for me when I do energetical work on myself. This was a good sign that something had shifted within / and or is in the process of so.

When I tapped again into the concept of Sad Child, I could no longer feel or connect to those emotions I had felt earlier, it seemed like a void, that space was empty. Now I will have to teach myself to connect with, nurture and allow Happy Child to grow and thrive within me. I’m not quite sure how I will, but I trust that guidance will present situations that will facilitate this process, naturally too, I will have to make certain conscious choices within me for this to bloom.

Physical healings – now, as I started my day in the morning and with my walk, my right shoulder, through to my neck had this kind of nagging, fatigue like feeling / pain. It was annoying, distracting and uncomfortable. However, as I began my walk back to my car and as I drove back home, I noticed that this was greatly reduced. But it’s still there, not gone completely. My guess is whatever that was released emotionally / energetically had something to do with me sporting the pain.

Will it go off completely ?, When will it happen ? …. Well I guess that’s still undetermined at this point. I hold a firm belief that the body is a barometer of our energetical bodies, spiritually, mentally and emotionally and too, that of our soul. When issues at these levels present and remain unresolved over time, they manifest themselves within the physical body. Its like our body signalling to us “Hey dude, something’s up”. Hence it helps to pay attention, to heed and go within to ask / seek, sometimes we may not get answers or nothing changes, but consider, ignoring the body in turn could result in worsening conditions.

All in all it was a good birthday for me …. Now anyone can do what I did today, in fact I’d highly encourage everyone to try this in some form or other, i.e. going within. Each can and eventually will develop their own style and as to what works for them, but more importantly, not to dictate the process, but allow you inner guidance to show you the way.

If you’ve come so far up to this point, I thank you for taking the time to read, I write this out not only as an expression of my own experience but too, in the event this helps someone on their journey as well. One of my “Why”, my reasons for being in this earth is to help make a difference in the lives of others and this gives me a sense of purpose plus a connection to something bigger than me.

If you have questions with regards your own journey and feel I could help, do drop me a line at info@inneralignment.com.au and we’ll take it from there. Thanks once again. 🙌

12 TALES OF THE WIDE GRASSY AREA – Quirky, Funny, Metaphorical

This blog post represents a part reflection of the workings of my inner mind .. somewhat fleety, whimsical, quirky yet creative. Hence, here’s a collection of my spontaneous and somewhat silly, offshoot ramblings sprouting from this vivid mind, which were birthed during the times I would take my doggy out for her early morning walks at a nearby playing field which I fondly named the “Wide Grassy Area”.

As I walked with my dog, I would spot scenes, objects, often things left behind by people the evening prior and my quirky mind would LOL 😀, switch into creative mode, my imagination takes a life of its own …..  and me making up on the spot, metaphors, silly stories about, aliens, wee-folk, etc and bang 😀, off it goes onto Facebook .. Hee Hee 😀.

Sadly my dog Leia, moved on in Feb 2019 to her own dog heaven grassy area, after which I rarely ventured onto the wide grassy area and the stories just stopped. These stories in addition to being part of my creative expression are too a reflection of my special time with Leia. I hope you enjoy these series of stories below as much as I enjoyed creating them.

Feel free to comment below and too with perhaps, what you liked best. Thank you 🙏🙌

In Memory Of And Dedicated To

#1 – Tales Of The Wide Grassy Area – Giant Sized Footwear Found !

Is been rumored that giants roam the Queens Park Reserve at night though no one has yet to capture them on camera.

But wait !! … is this now the closest evidence of the existence of giants?

More importantly why did the giants leave their footwear behind? .. Is this their way of trying to communicate with us?

What’s the message ?.. Also where the hell did they manage to get giant sized Adidas footwear ? Is Adidas secretly supporting the giants?

Is there a hidden conspiracy for world domination??

Stay tuned as this keen reporter keeps his nose to the ground!

#2 – Tales Of The Wide Grassy Area – The Lone Roller-Shoe

Perth wakes up this morning to the mystery of this lone roller-shoe … left all alone in this wide grassy area.

Questions are afoot as to where its come from … where the other side is .. where are the little feet that belong to this?

Are those feet human … or cld they be alien ? …Or cld this really be an alien ship in disguise?? ..Is Perth in danger of invasion? Gosh!!

Authorities are urging people to report in sightings.

Have you seen any strange footwear lying around?? … Act now before its too late .. Save Perth !!!

#3 – Tales Of The Wide Grassy Area – The Vehicle!

Overturned vehicle found at the edges of park, with engine still running. No occupants found inside or anywhere close.

Could this be further evidence of the existence of the wee folk reported to be dwelling secretly at the park ?

What’s happened to the occupants? Have they fled or were they taken by aliens? Ahhh we may never know.

But where would they have obtained such a vehicle? Who makes such miniature vehicles? Hmmm !! Are the toy makers in league with the wee folk ?…. and the aliens too perhaps?👽

The mystery continues … till we stumble onto more bizarre sightings, a good Sunday morning to all🌞.

#4 – Tales Of The Wide Grassy Area – The Wee Folk !

Ok, no stories, or conspiracies today 😀. Just a pic of the wee folks’ meeting area. They must have been up and about yesterday 😀

#5 – Tales Of The Wide Grassy Area – The Orange Peelings!

Its the Leprechauns … I tell ya … the Leprechauns! … snorted a local, they’ve been having nightly gatherings feasting on oranges, he adds.

Sooo… a new phenomenon emerges at the Queens Park Reserve…. from strange sightings of Aliens to Giants to now, an invasion of Leprechauns…Gosh!!

But why now ? … Have they followed the influx of Irish migration to our shores? ..Or cld the Leprechauns really be the very Irish that have rolled in ? … Leprechauns disguised as common Irish folk?

What does this mean for us? Some residents have already teamed up now to look for that elusive pot of gold whenever rainbows appear…. Hmmm !! Leprechauns and their gold… how well is it hidden ?

Now !! .. why oranges? And why did they leave the peelings behind? …. Do Leprechauns really favor oranges??

The mystery continues!!

#6 – Tales Of The Wide Grassy Area – The Crater!

The scene, Queens Park Reserve ! Early morning walkers were greeted by this hole in the ground, what some described as a crater.

The conspiracy theories continue. What caused this ? Who is responsible ?

Initial indications were that it likely happened during the wee hours, as some residents interviewed reported hearing a loud thump at night.

Sooo …. is this the mark left behind by a landing alien ship? But why the thump? Could it have been a forced landing or was the Alien pilot simply inexperienced?

Why did they come? Were they looking for human subjects to experiment on or did they simply get lost or perhaps instead encountered technical issues. Well, that may explain the thump in the wee hours.

Ahhh, we may never know and end up still pondering upon our death bed going, what was that crater all about ?

But this seeker of truth shall not rest and will strive to reveal to all what’s truly out there …. till the next time. Nano Nano and Shazbot !🙏

#7 – Tales Of The Wide Grassy Area – Strange Markings !

Residents wake up this morning to yet another mystery of strange symbols and markings discovered at the Queens Park Reserve.

A local walker who wishes not to be named claims these weren’t there the evening before and also claims to have seen strange lights here at night.

So, how did these appear? … Who made them? … Why?

Do these symbols have anything to do with recent strange sightings ? … visitors from another realm perhaps?

Were they trying to communicate with us ? What was it ? … Or were these markings for landing areas of their crafts? … Are we being invaded ?

Why the color Blue ? Why not other colors? ..What is its significance?

Ahhh … we may not know for now ..but the truth shall prevail in time to come.

Stay tuned as we endeavour to unravel these mysteries 😱👽

#8 – Tales Of The Wide Grassy Area – Unidentified Round Object (URO) !

The mystery of strange sightings at the Queens Park Reserve continues … from miniature alien ships to footwear belonging to giants …. and now this?

So what is this URO ? … Could it be some sort of interdimensional travel device ? A portal of sorts?… Experts seem to think this is the only discernable explanation at this point.

Would this explain why no credible sightings of aliens and giants have been recorded so far ?

Could the miniature aliens and giants actually be the same? Could they have the ability to transform in size at will ?

Could this instead be the device that does it ? .. but why has it now been left behind? ..did something go wrong?

…. the mystery continues…..👁👽👾

#9 – Tales Of The Wide Grassy Area – The Lone Stalk !

We were once a breed of proud tall stalks and blades of grass …. luscious, we covered the entire area …. waving and moving with the wind, catching the glow of the sun, reflecting within the softness of the moonlight. Life was good.

Then one day it came … screaming loudly, roaring, rolling over us ….and it started to decapitate us with its whirling blades. It was horrible…there was carnage everywhere. I saw my friends and family chopped to pieces. We were no more.

But the Lord Of Grass saw fit to have me survive. I remain the lone stalk standing. A single survivor of a once proud race. I am a reminder of the breed that once was.

And … survive and persevere I shall ..waving and moving with the wind, catching the glow of the sun, reflecting within the softness of the moonlight. 

Life will be good. Life will go on.

Till my time comes for me to go to the grassy heavens … I shall stand tall and bear the flag of my race.

#10 – Tales Of The Wide Grassy Area – The Green Green Grass Of Home !

This seeker of truth has found himself within a place of inner reflection this morning. In the bizarre absence of activities of the Aliens, Giants, the Wee Folk at the Reserve (hmmm ! where have they gone? .. but in the words of Arnie “they’ll be back!) …. well, he has found himself being more present to the surroundings. 

He’s found himself, this morning, drawn to things he’s not paid attention to before, noticing it more now, appreciating it more.

This wide grassy area as he’s discovered now, has given him a sense of being, a sense of comfort, it feels like the green green grass of home.

Ohhh gosh, what’s happening, has he been shifted to a whole new level of consciousness? has he gone further down the arriy-fairy road ? … Ohhhh geez ! Mother of Jesus!!!

Now wait a minute, have the Aliens really gone or is their presence still around ? Could they be beaming some sort of brain juju ray that’s now influenced this seeker of truth away from his mission?

Aha … the penny drops!

And so … this warrior shall not rest and truth will prevail .. but something’s changed, damn !! he’s now got this urge to go smell some flowers 🤔🌹🌻

Till the next time, Nano Nano and Shazbot ! 😎👽

#11 – Tales Of The Wide Grassy Area – The Lone Mushroom !

There it is, alone, singular, standing within fields of grass, by itself.

How many of us find ourselves in a similar situation, where we do not blend in with the norm, we stick out instead. Some are celebrated for this, some in turn are shunned because we don’t fit in, we are seen as different, non compliant.

For the latter, we say to you, for you are unique and for the beauty of who you are is in fact the sum of all the perceived “imperfections” of you. For you are “perfect” within your “imperfections”.

Stand tall we say to you, stand proud! Embrace being the singular mushroom sticking out in a field of grass, embrace your uniqueness 🙏

#12 – Tales Of The Wide Grassy Area – Lessons From The Tree Bark !

Such is life ehh? When our coverings start looking rustic, tattered and begin to peel off. We don’t look nice or feel nice, with pieces of us being scattered around, on the ground, everywhere.

But what comes from the peeling, metaphorically looking at the tree, it reveals an inner lighter skin, an inner beauty. It is smooth, elegant and even it’s now visible bumps and wrinkles from its growth process adds character to itself.

Take the magnificence of the mature gum trees with glowing smooth skin having gone thru its long process of “shedding”. It stands now radiant, its beauty for all to see.

Are you in the process of shedding your bark ? Are you sitting within the uncomfortableness and anguish of being stripped within your life.

Know my children, that your inner beauty, your inner skin is being potentially being prepped to reveal itself. Sit within the experience, seek the lessons, the positive outcomes and harmonize with the process, for your light will shine and you will stand tall and radiate 🙏

Thank you for reading … Nano Nano, Shazbot and blessings to you! 😛😎👽

Death !! One Person’s View

The Gist Of This Blog

How do you view death ? How relevant is the “post death” process for the deceased ? Would it perhaps be more for the living instead ?

In that regard, below is an extract of an email I sent to members of my family back in November 2019 titled “In The Event Of My Death” which I’d like to share.

A caution, this may ruffle the value and belief systems of some readers, its raw and direct.

The Usual Preamble

A chat this morning with a friend who was dealing with the passing of a loved one prompted me to write this. Well, to note too, the passing of my mum just four days ago probably added on to this prompt.

Those who know me well enough, will know that I am spiritual not religious (well, no longer) and too, pragmatic plus down to earth in me dealing with life’s challenges.

I’ve evolved from being a person who was hyper sensitive to what others thought of me, rather insecure, one who struggled to consider the views of others, patterned with rigid thinking from my formative years and too from that of being an Accountant for 30 plus years ……. well, to now, a Transformational Therapist who works with people (too, with similar journeys) helping them become better and newer versions of themselves, Mentally, Emotionally and Spiritually.

My views on life now are not necessarily what they used to be from years yonder and I have no doubt, my views as such will evolve further to other levels in the years to come.

The email extract referred to, naturally represents my take on the subject of death and related processes. My intention here is NOT to play down the values and beliefs of others, but simply to bring to a conscious awareness, alternative perspectives and insights as to why we may act the way we do, well that is if its not already evident enough.

At time of writing this blog, its April 2020.

But Before That

A relative once told me, if I come into some money, I will use it to do up a grand headstone on my dad’s grave. He went on to say that he made a promise to his dad (after his passing) that this is what he would do and that he felt his late dad would appreciate it. Too, that its a promise he should uphold.

Well, my mind went, hmmmmmm !!

I view the deceased as no longer holding the level of consciousness that we the living possess, which encompasses amongst others, opinions, expectations and emotions, especially the unhelpful ones.

Instead, I view the deceased as having connected back to a level of consciousness that is pure energy, cosmic in nature, where there is an absence of emotions, judgement, expectations etc. and hence do not “think” and “behave” as the living do.

I dare say they represent “pure love”. Consider ;

Would it matter to the deceased if there was a grand headstone or not?

Would they frown upon the living if that “promise” was not upheld ?

Would they now hold the living accountable ?

Perhaps, consider that this relative needed to go through a process that was vital to him getting closure and coming into harmony with his dad’s passing, related issues as well as coming into harmony with his own limiting patterns, emotions and triggers.

Now, I’m not suggesting otherwise with the headstone, by all means do it if need be. However I feel its important to bring into perspective (and a conscious awareness) why we do what we do and the reasons for it.

OK, Here Is The Email Extract

Recent deaths amongst families of friends have triggered these thoughts in me, which I have been wanting to say for a long time now, hence I might as well. 

In the event of my death …. Well, not that I see myself dying soon, in fact I plan to live for a long long time more.

… But, in the event of my death ;

  • Cremate me
  • Ashes .. well, it really does not matter to me, I am dead, let the crematorium dispose of it
  • Unless any of you want to do something else with it. But don’t do it for me, only if it helps you in dealing with the process / remembrance
  • Flowers, for yourselves and please tell people, PLEASE DON’T WASTE MONEY on that. I suggest that they can choose to contribute the $$ towards funeral expenses
  • I’m dead, I don’t give a shit about if there are flowers or not. It’s the florists that will benefit from it
  • Coffin – don’t waste money getting fancy stuff. Be practical, its going to be burnt anyway
  • Church funeral ? … don’t bother ! While my faith in God (incl Jesus, Mother Mary, etc.) is the strongest its ever been and will continue to reach new levels by the time I’m gone ….. I no longer subscribe to the doctrines of the church. It’s a man-made framework /attempt to understand and interpret the Divine and its incomplete and filled with what I see as un-useful traditions, rituals and symbolism and too some untruths. Well, in saying that, there is much truth and essence too therein … but its no longer the “book” I go by.
  • Do what’s convenient otherwise for you, this whole post-death process as I see it, is really to cater for the grieving process of the living, and not to mention social conventions
  • Really … you don’t have to pray for my soul or have any special blessings or ceremony. There is no substance or necessity in that as I see it. The moment I leave this physical body, the Soul / Spirit becomes part of the collective cosmic force and too, on a pre-determined direction
  • No amount of praying / ceremony / rituals nor the absence of it is going to make a difference. Which is one reason why I don’t resonate with the phrase “Rest In Peace”. The soul moves on to a new purpose, there is no need to rest, it is already in peace.
  • If you want / need to do something, do it for yourself as part of your process in remembering me
  • If any of you feel sorry for me in my passing, please don’t !!. While I understand the living will have go thru their own respective grieving process, its natural. I’d rather be remembered for the life I lived, not the death I died, if that makes sense. But then again, I’m dead !. I guess it does not matter to me
  • The Spirit moves on and no longer holds onto the conscious patterns common to the living. It’s a whole new ball game. So really, you don’t have to worry / not worry, i.e. how I may or may not think / react post death. The Spirit does not think and behave as the living do. The Spirit in fact vibrates at the same frequency as that of God (i.e. LOVE). Hence there exists no form of judgment or opinions from the deceased. It’s the living that tend to bring that into play, in an effort to process the passing and to get some degree of closure.

Serendipity Stories – IndiaJiva

It pays to listen to and heed that nudging, the intuition, that little voice a lot of us get.

In relation to that, here’s my story of how I met Ron and Vicki of IndiaJiva.  Was this Serendipity ?, Synchronicity ? , Destined ?,  well, you decide ! 😃

The Call

I had planned to attend the Conscious Living Expo in Perth in October 2018. Browsing their website prior to that, what caught my attention was an image of an Indian-looking man with a sitar and the flashing of words my mind focused on, “music”, “India” and “live stage event”. Hmmm !, I thought to myself, interesting, need to look them up.

Upon arriving at the expo, I cast my eyes onto the huge event posters on the wall, scanning for something that would feature this “man with the sitar”. But I cld not find it. Apparently it was there, but for some reason, my mind simply did not latch on.

Hence I proceeded to check out each stall / exhibit one by one in search. I did pass by one stall, where I noticed a bald headed Indian man. (Well it was Ron), but my mind went nahhh, that’s not him. I proceeded to made two rounds throughout the expo without discovering them.

The Pull

Quite dejected, I decided to head home. However as I reached the exit, I told my wife who had accompanied me, no, I have to go back and do one more sweep. Something was pulling me back, it just did not feel right to leave.

I then out found myself passing that very same stall with the bald headed Indian man and this time decided to enquire. Lo and behold it was them, Indiajiva !!!. I found them !!

Guess what ? At that very moment they were just about to head to the main stage for their live event. Gosh, talk about timing ! How coincidental that I was there just in time. Consider that I could have already been on my way back home.

I was totally captivated by their live performance, their music and especially Vicki’s voice was absolutely magical, heavenly and possessed amazing energy interlaced within it.

Well, the next thing I know, I’m back at their stall, having conversations and buying their CDs. Their music was what I needed.

Trust And Allow

You see, I am an Energy Channeller / Healer and am always on the lookout for background music to play during my Group and Individual sessions. My group sessions now always feature their music. It’s like their music is the right fit for the work I do.

My take on all this …. I was meant to find them, I was meant to have and play their music. I was led to them and even despite me not initially seeing the obvious right in front of my eyes (for whatever reason), and despite the odds, something would not let me leave until I discovered them. I am glad I did.

With regards to that nudging, the intuition, that little voice, we all have this ability and gift within us and many of you would have experienced situations similar to that above, all we need to do is to TRUST and ALLOW for this to unfold and what’s meant to be will materialize.

Music tracks from IndiaJiva can be found on their Soundcloud site, Click Here !

Thanks for reading and blessings to you 🙏.

August 2019

Finding Harmony Within Aversions In Life

My writing about my life experiences is in a way an avenue for my own self healing / clearing and too, in presenting to readers who may connect with what I have to say in regards to their own respective life journeys.

I’ll start here by relating on aspects of stuff in my life that I had impactful aversions to, and further to the insights as to why this was so and where I am now finding harmony with this, 40 years down the road.

Its a path of reconciliation of sorts, coming face to face with unwanted patterns and conditioning of old, recognizing them, understanding why they were there, with regards the role they played, acknowledging this and coming to terms that I no longer have to hold on to these. And in doing this, I set the stage to free up my mind and energies to move forward lighter and also to look back and discover the beauty and harmony that actually existed within that I was once averse to.

If you relate to what I’ve just mentioned, consider where in your life, do you see this play out in your own and what can you do henceforth to set your own stage for transformation.

What I’ve written here is something that I’ve always kept to myself and not even the people closest in my life are probably fully aware of this, Well its out now. 🙂

My Origins

I currently live in Perth, Australia, but I originated from Malaysia. I am Indian by race and I am what I’d term as a 3rd generation “Malaysian Indian”, on the basis of my great grandmother emigrating from South India to Malaysia. While Tamil was my mother tongue, I grew up with English as my main language. I myself though have never been to India, well one day I will. 🙂

Culturally and behaviorally, I see (well my view at least) a difference or distinction between the Indians born and bred in Malaysia in contrast to those in motherland India. For that reason too I’ve never quite identified myself with the ethnic cultures and dispositions of those from motherland India. That world as I then viewed it was a case of “Us” and “Them”. Even for that matter, as you’ll discover below, I also never quite fully identified myself with the ethnic cultures and dispositions of Malaysian Indians as well.

The Aversions

Up towards my teens and into my adult life, I found myself being quite averse to aspects of Indian culture and really “anything Indian”. I won’t say it was so in total, but it was significant enough.

Strange one would say, given that is my heritage.

I had this intense dislike for Bollywood movies, especially Tamil movies. With Hindustani movies however, somehow that seemed more tolerable, but still definitely not my cup of tea. And given Bollywood movies and songs go hand in hand, the same aversion existed within me for Tamil and Hindustani songs, here too with me being a little more tolerable towards some Hindustani songs.

These movies (and culture) for me were a representation of “too much drama”. Well those who watch Bollywood movies will know what I mean (well maybe some of you). To me the “drama” in these movies represented and portrayed a host of negativity, sorrow, pent up anger, narrow minded mentality and focus, glass half empty attitude, etc. Hang on one would say, there is beauty, harmony and joy in the songs and the dancing, well sadly I never saw that or related to it.

For me, all of this was in fact anchoring to the “drama” I observed in real life around me, family, friends and especially in general within the Malaysian Indian community. The intense dislike for Tamil movies came from this and my “over exposure” to it growing up as a kid.

I saw the Indian community in Malaysia as taking on the aspect of  “Life Imitating Art”. A lot of them seemed to emulate the unhelpful “drama” of these movies into their daily life and this was in turn projected onto people they interacted with. I truly believed that absent the influence (“drama”) of Bollywood movies, the Malaysian Indian community in general would possess a greater degree of consciousness.

I never quite resonated with the mindset, character, temperament (looking for the right phrase ..LOL ) of the typical Malaysian Indian and in particular that of the typical Indian male. I just never fully jived with it and with the associated bravado.

I’d like to emphasize here that I do not intend any disrespect or disregard to any persons or aspects of communities mentioned. What is being related here is my story, as a result of my own experiences and conditioning … read on.

So here I am painting multi aspects of the Indian community with the same broad brush and strokes. Nice one Tony !! 🙂

It can be said that my perception at that time was rather biased, somewhat judgmental, negative. All of this was however based on my clouded internal perception of “anything Indian”. Looking back it was due to my own insecurities and selective filtering, generalization of reality out there, resulting in my own selective reality based on my experiences of my life then.

As A Result

The consequence of my mindset, my self denial stifled my energy. I indirectly placed self impositions on what I can and can’t enjoy in life, where and how I should have  fun. Because I placed rules on what I can and cannot like, I inadvertently placed blocks on the joy of life flowing through me.

You know, one would never ever catch me dead wearing traditional Indian menswear. There was no way in hell you’d get me into one of those. Well, hang on, I may have once, dunno, its a faded / vague distant memory. Again, this is the result of the internal representation I had created in my head about “anything Indian”.

These days I am more comfortable in admitting and saying, without fear or favour that I never really liked my childhood, I did not enjoy it. I also don’t recall much of it, and where I do, its about things that I disliked about myself and what it represent in regards to that I wish I was not, or could have been instead.

In essence its not so much about what the external world projected onto that little boy, but more the meanings and the representations that little boy choose to take on as his belief systems and his reality.

But I have since, especially in recent years come (learnt) to sit in harmony with that little boy within.

There was a time when I left the family home, living and working in other towns (well, cities really). For me it was a time away from all these. Even still I’d literally & physically cringe if I were to walk into a situation where there was a Tamil movie playing and / or similar real life situations.

But it was not all 100% aversion. There were some old Tamil songs that I liked, the same with Hindustani songs and a couple of Hindustani movies (who recalls “Bobby” with Dimple Kapadia and Rishi Kapoor 🙂). But in the style of self-denial, aspects of me would never admit or acknowledge this, while secretly having a fondness. Ahahaha !! A representation of the many opposing conflicts within my life then.

The first three girls that I courted were strangely and in contrast, .. guess what ?  Ahahaha …. Indian !!! would you believe ?? 🙂 🙂 But then I found myself being pulled towards girls who were non-Indian. The pattern was playing out and my attractions diverted to females who were non-Indian. That was the case for subsequent girlfriends (not that I had many or I was playboy like .. Gosh !! the truth being far far from it 🙂 🙂) and my eventual marriage to a non-Indian. That in itself tells a story huh ?

Digressing a little, I held within me huge insecurities about me and the opposite sex. This was in relation my insecure take on their likely perception of me, my interaction with them and / or my concept of the opposite sex ever finding me attractive enough. Aspects of these core insecurities exists still today .. well that’s a story for a another blog and how I overcame it and how I continue to mop up the residual.

Now

Fast forward to present time and my journey of awakening and growing in consciousness and spirituality. Its been a long “tooth and nail” path of transformation to where I am today. Do have a read of my blog titled Finding My Inner Radiance for more “juicy insights”.

I now consciously experience wave after wave of shifts both in the cognitive and spiritual sense.  But just when I feel I’ve reached a stable platform, something else, some gunk, is unearthed within for me to come face to face with. And when I learn to sit in harmony with these, I am then transformed and raised to another platform of being.

These days, I look forward to the “gunk” in my life surfacing, for its within these lie the answers and keys to my path henceforth. It frees my energies for me to engage more effectively in fulfilling my Life Purpose, the reason I came to this planet.

Today and in recent years I find myself becoming more in harmony with these aversions of past and my views of “anything Indian”, and this is the result of my progression in clearing away layers and layers of insecurities, unwanted patterns, conditioning and belief systems. I find myself now attempting to reconnect to my roots, my heritage in a new light and with a fresh set of eyes and perspective. Where this will take me, I do not know, but its a good thing.

These days, while I still don’t have any inclination to watch Bollywood movies, I find myself looking back in fondness at some of the songs of old and discovering the beauty and light in these and in others too . With regards my aversions of “anything Indian”, I nowadays find myself more accepting and in flow with it. I am now able to catch myself in the act  of any past patterns and have a conversation with myself as to why it is so, and what I can do to change it.

Of late I found myself waking up in the morning with some of these songs stuck in my head or finding myself spontaneously bursting into song with these, humming as I go about my day (Damn !! feels like me in a Bollywood movie ehh, bursting into song  ? .. Ahahaha !!). 🙂 🙂

Today was one of those days and I even did my gym workout listening to tracks of Hindustani songs .. LOL ! .. Gosh !! OMG !! What’s happening to me ! … hee hee !! 🙂 Well, it inspired me to write this blog out.

I leave you with this Hindustani clip “SAY SHAVA SHAVA” below. Compared to other songs this was kind of in the “acceptable” list for the me of the past. But as a result of my past internal perceptions it would have been uncomfortable for me to sit and watch the video in full .. e.g. the whole group dancing, party concept etc, amongst other things.

I guess some of you must be by now scratching your head and going .. but why ? Hmmm ! The power and impact of subconscious patterning. 🙂

I now am able to enjoy listening to this and more significantly so, am able to watch the “antics” 🙂 with greater sense of internal authenticity, acceptance and in harmony …. a stark contrast to even the me of even a couple of years ago, leave aside the me of old (not sure yet how I’ll fare with Tamil clips … watch this space). 🙂

I’ve come one step more towards sitting in harmony with things that I once dissociated with. Consider, that the things we fear, dislike or have aversions with are the very things that we’d need to face, find harmony with for our ongoing spiritual and cognitive growth.

Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Blessings to you !

Song and Video Credits And Acknowledgements
P/S : If the video above buffers too much, do click on the You Tube link below

You Tube ClipSonyMusicIndiaVEVO
Song Name – Say Shava Shava
Movie – Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham
Singer – Sudesh Bhosle, Alka Yagnik, Sunidhi Chauhan, Amitabh Bachchan, Aadesh Shrivastava & Udit Narayan
Lyrics – Sameer Anjaan Music – Aadesh Shrivastava
Director – Karan Johar
Studio – Dharma Productions
Producer – Yash Johar
Music Label – Sony Music Entertainment India Pvt. Ltd.

 

The Transition Journey

A reflection on the years past and towards the years to be.

Part of what I like to do is looking for alternate (positive) meanings within things and using metaphors.

This time its the song “The Last Goodbye” from the movie “The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies”. This song was composed by Billy Boyd, and who also sings it and beautifully too. Now, Lord of the Rings fans will know Billy Boyd to be the one playing the character of “Pippin”.

Scroll down below to listen to this song and view the full lyrics.

I connect with the lyrics of this song very much .. as what I take from it is a journey of transition.

To me, my journey of change over the years from a hard set personality with blinkers on, the “Accountant”, moving onto a continuously new and evolving horizon. I find myself now walking and discovering more and more the spiritual path with realizations of new levels of consciousness, all this towards the role I am to play in helping others in their very own journeys.

This song for me sheds light on the aspect of “the ME who can be” versus the aspects of “the ME that no longer serves my higher purpose”.

For something new to grow and flourish, at times somethings must die, somethings must end !

Connecting With The Song

And now, as 2017 ends, we reflect back on the trials, the tribulations, the journeys and paths traveled in 2017 (and prior), quoting the lyrics of this song, I now say to the ME of old …

To these memories I will hold
With your blessing I will go
To turn at last to paths that lead home

Many places I have been
Many sorrows I have seen
But I don’t regret
Nor will I forget
All who took that road with me

And as 2018 looms and as the trials of 2017 end …

Night is now falling
So ends this day

But now comes the day
To bid you farewell

And as I flow into 2018, I welcome, brace myself and look forward to the new trials, the new adventures, for …

The road is now calling
And I must away
Over hill and under tree
Through lands where never light has shone
By silver streams that run down to the sea

The Pursuit Of Happiness

For many, we wish so much to be in control of our destiny, we tend to take comfort in the predictive, in being predictive. We cling on to the hope, the ideal of happiness .. to the extent that we can end up becoming quite unhappy in the pursuit of happiness. Ironic huh ?

Consider that the happiness, the knowing that we seek can sometimes instead arise within our ability to let go of the need for it.

Consider that this can entail one walking within the dark, not knowing, unaware, feeling lost. But when one is able to do so and embrace this concept with trust and faith re the path ahead, the knowing and happiness have a tendency of presenting itself, disguised though at times, but know that it exists therein.

Consider the concept of …. that when we no longer view happiness as the end state / the destination … and instead embrace the ideal that we can discover it within the journey walked, within the darkness, within the trials and the tribulations

Consider that the “Happiness” is in fact the “Journey”

And though where the road then takes me,
I cannot tell ….

Consider too, for its within the darkest depths of the fears we hold onto, that we can in turn discover the light, the beauty and the strength that represents the most precious aspects of us and potentially the launch pad for our further greatness.

With the onset of the New Year, symbolically ….

I turn at last to paths that lead HOME 

For it is here in walking this journey, walking within the not knowing, that …

I can fully serve the purpose I was put here for …

I now embrace, live and sit in harmony with my fears and that which is presented here forth  …

The journey HOME .. where I further discover my own truth. Accepting who I am and who I’m not and being able to speak and walk my truth within my true authenticity …

Live my authenticity in the absence of the collective fears of past patterning and conditioning that have plagued most of us …

 

Hence to the “ME of old” ….. I bid you a fond farewell. For the road is now calling and I must away.

So !! What is your story ?

What road beckons you forth, what goodbyes do you have to say, what loads must you drop to travel through lands where never light has shone ? I bid you blessings on your journey.

Video and Song credits;
Korital Lyrics : For the You Tube clip with the lyrics
Copyright by WaterTower Music

“The Last Goodbye” (Billy Boyd)

I saw the light fade from the sky
On the wind I heard a sigh
As the snowflakes cover
My fallen brothers
I will say this last goodbye

Night is now falling
So ends this day
The road is now calling
And I must away

Over hill and under tree
Through lands where never light has shone
By silver streams that run down to the sea

Under cloud, beneath the stars
Over snow and winter’s morn
I turn at last to paths that lead home

And though where the road then takes me,
I cannot tell
We came all this way
But now comes the day
To bid you farewell

Many places I have been
Many sorrows I have seen
But I don’t regret
Nor will I forget
All who took that road with me

Night is now falling
So ends this day
The road is now calling
And I must away

Over hill, and under tree
Through lands where never light has shone
By silver streams that run down to the sea

To these memories I will hold
With your blessing I will go
To turn at last to paths that lead home

And though where the road then takes me,
I cannot tell
We came all this way
But now comes the day
To bid you farewell

I bid you all a very fond farewell

 

Finding My Inner Radiance – Part One

Me penning down my transformative journey has been at the back of my head for a while but I never got down to it. Today something made me spontaneously write this out, and most of it a one single sitting. Its time !

I feel guided to share aspects of my own journey of personal transformation so far, for the benefit of those who are looking for answers, direction  themselves in their  own respective journeys and perhaps if in some small way you’ve connected with that below and / or taken something out of it for yourself, well the purpose of me writing this will have been accomplished.

Hence, if you’ve read so far  🙂, do read on further, and one never knows, something may potentially resonate with you and your own journey.

I saw myself, (well, I used to see myself), as a really “tough nut” to crack, as far as personal change and growth was concerned. Looking at where I am now compared to where I was, I’d say I’m quite a different person. My opinion is, if I (gosh, of all people) can shift out from where I was, anyone can.

Me Now

From a corporate career spanning 30 plus years, I’ve now discovered and am living my passion in life. Signs of this appeared in 2011 and by 2012 whimsically, I started re-skilling myself progressively.

In 2013, out of character and again whimsically, without a goal or forward plan in place, I volunteered for a redundancy, gave up my corporate life and a good paying job as a Finance Manager. I subsequently become an Energy Healing Facilitator, Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP Practitioner and Personal Fitness Trainer.

That was not my plan, but it happened and just fell in place through a series of events.

Nowadays, I now work from my own holistic practice helping people transform, discover and to become better and improved versions of themselves.

My journey of change has led me to this state within me ; where I am now comfortable with who I am and who I’m not, discovering the inner peace within and knowing that it can emanate only from within me and that I and only me is/am responsible for it.

More than ever, I’m now able to speak, live and walk my authentic self, my own truth and in doing so, without fear or favour. I am consciously aware that I need to project always from a place neutrality, unconditional love as opposed to that of fear and unwanted emotions.

I now understand more the reason why I was put on this earth and what my purpose is. The clarity of this grows even more as time passes and the journey continues, with its share of challenges and realizations as the growth and learning reaches up to new levels.

The Call Of The Path

All of this was not by any conscious or intentional design on my part. Instead it followed a bizarre set of circumstances that led from one thing to another. Fate, without me realizing it, was apparently paving a new path for me towards my life purpose.

I’ve always had an innate desire to help people, to reach out, but I did not necessarily always have the skills and right approach to do so and sometimes (an understatement .. LOL !) I’d put my foot in where it was not appreciated, for example, attempting to help change people who did not want to be changed or who were not ready for it. But I could not then see that completely for what it was.

For a long, long time before all of this, I’d have this whimsical thought or imagination in my head, whenever I’d come across a sick person or a crying baby, I’d fantasize and think to myself, how I wish I could simply place my hand on them and everything would be ok ? I’d never tell anyone about this, gosh how embarrassing that would have been ? “Earth calling Tony .. come back” !

I was born into the Roman Catholic faith, but these days I am more spiritual than I am religious. I have my own take on “religion” and mankind’s attempt to define and structure the Divine into a framework, but let’s not visit that proverbial can of worms 🙂.

I’d go to church and pray for the gift of healing. Well nothing happened of course and consequently I’d get into serious arguments with God .. to the tune of  “Dude, you said seek and you shall find, ask and you shall receive, what the hell ?” .. LOL !!

Decades ago, I watched a movie where a “healer” touched a person whose body was crippled and contorted with pain. The person was miraculously “healed”, but the healer in turn took on this person’s symptoms and himself became crippled and contorted with pain, before eventually coming back to his original self. He had healed by absorbing the persons ills. Something within me at that time resonated with it so much and again my fantasy whimsical imagination kicked in.

Were these were signs of my calling being previewed ? Well, looking back now, it would seem so.

All of these fantasies, imagination vanished over the years, forgotten and as mentioned through bizarre events, the path mysteriously led me back to it.

Because these days, this exactly what I do. I channel through divine energy, I place my hand on someone and things happen which I cannot logically explain. I could now look at someone and feel into their psyche. I just know what’s going on with them, I’d tell them things about their life, their personality which are spot on.

I connect into someone and I feel their emotions, I sense their physical pain and can know exactly where its present within their bodies. I draw their unwanted stuff out through me, I’d literally cry for them when they can’t or will not themselves.

Imagination, fantasies can come true eh ? Well, I guess, I sought and now “I’ve found”, I asked and now “I’ve received”.

Oddly today, in between writing this, I had a client come in for 2nd session, she asked in amazement something like  “Are you psychic ?, how did you know”. Well, no logical answer, I just knew !

I’ve learnt that I have innate gifts of healing and to help people transform. I am able to tap into and draw down Divine healing energy and channel it through at will. Believing, trusting and accepting this was a big, big challenge for me. Self doubt was ever so prevalent within me. Eventually the more I believed, the more I allowed myself to trust and accept, the more things happened to people I worked on, the more messages came through, all of which defied conventional logic.

The Journey

My work career started like for a lot of others, with casual work, at factories, cleaning and waitering at restaurants, I was even a Cook once. Eventually I found my way into the corporate world, primarily in Finance and Accounting. However I had this creative, curious and inquisitive nature within me, compounded with a very high drive and this saw me branching out and getting into managerial posts covering, Human Resources, Operations, Project Management , Audit, “Troubleshooting” and Business Process Improvements (I was known as Mr. Fix It), Business Development,  Facilities/Property Maintenance as well as Fleet Management.

I became a whizz, a guru with Excel in spreadsheet and financial modelling, and till present time I’ve met / heard of only a few who can do what I do.

Looking back, there was literally nothing I could not do if I put my mind to it. I was truly multi skilled and versatile. I was creative, I was passionate about what I did. I just knew stuff, I saw things and the world differently. I was always receptive to taking on new things where it challenged my ability and intellect. If it was broke, I’d look forward to fixing it.

“I could not understand why. I was kind, bighearted, sincere, my intentions were good, why did people think of me this way ?”

But I was strong minded, single minded to a fault. I saw things in black or white, no shades of grey, things needed to be compartmentalized. I had trouble though expressing myself to and with the world. Apparently I was not an easy person to get along or work with, so it has been said.

People saw me as different, perhaps odd, “the know too much” guy. It was said that I rubbed people off the wrong way and I guess aspects of that was true. But, I could not understand why, I was kind, bighearted, sincere, my intentions were good, why did people think of me this way ?

Well for one, I was overly sensitive to criticism (and reacted accordingly), I took things way too personally. I did not know what I did not know.

Moving on to sometime in 1997, I had a huge paradigm shift when it actually dawned upon me that not everyone saw the world and would think like I did. It then occurred to me that the “optimum” way I typically strived for to skin the proverbial cat, was not necessarily the only way.

Well, that whole concept took a further few years to assimilate in and my journey of change slowly started taking shape.

The Challenges

But this change for me has not been an easy one, it was bloody hard. Change did not come easy for me. I’ve had to fight hard, tooth and nail to get to the state where I am today.

Despite the description of me above, I was a classic introvert and a very insecure one at that.

I suffered for nearly all my life, with poor self esteem, with severe self doubt and self insecurities, that I was never good enough, that I could not be as good or as successful as the next person or good enough for the expectations of others. I viewed myself as insignificant, undeserving. I’d in turn pretended to be something I’m not, perhaps others may then view me differently. Self-love was probably non existent for me then.

It was hard for me to find middle ground within the facets of life, I had a severe tendency to oscillate within two extremes, which again kind of explained why people viewed me otherwise (or did they really ??) and why too I viewed myself the way I did. I recall in my younger days, my sisters describing me as “Tony is either very hard working or hardly working”.

There was an army of unhelpful subconscious programming and imprints running around within me and I did not have a freaking clue about it. We don’t know what we don’t know.

This whole concept has had such a deep rooted impact on me that it ruled my life, paralysed and stunted my personal growth and the essence of who I truly was. Such was its impact, and I cannot overstate this more, that today at the age of 56, I am still clearing up the last few remnants of these patterns and belief systems.

There once lived within me, an ever smiling, happy go lucky, little boy. But within all these above, he lost his glow and disappeared. I’ve since rediscovered aspects of him over the past few years, with no doubt, more to come.

This will be a surprise to many who know me now, but I’ve been a loner for most of my life (still am to an extent), past patterning, imprints and conditioning had reinforced that further, which did not help that little boy.

I can’t say I’ve ever had really close friends back then, confidants whom I could truly open up to. Less than a handful came close, but not close enough. Hence it became such that I became my own solace, if something needed fixing within, it was up to me. Sometimes it became just too hard for me to fix, but I felt there was no one I could reach out to. I just lived with it, but I still was always there for others, every ready to help, putting the needs of others way ahead of myself.

Hence, this became the tone of my life. It was fine, manageable but eventually it took its toll on me. I had the tendency to place onto my shoulders the burdens of others, through my self-imposed ideals of loyalty and commitment. At the same time having to deal with my own challenges, with hardly anyone to turn to for myself. But I sucked it up, that’s the only way I knew how and I forged on. What choice did I have ? Well, those were my thoughts then.

The Awakening

 “I started finding myself, I was interacting with the world better, I was interacting with “me” better. I realized that while I could not change the people, the situation and the world around me, I instead had influence over the way I perceived and interacted with these”

From the year 2012 onwards, I began to “awaken” more and more both consciously and spiritually. I started facing more my  internal demons. I went through cycles of changes, I was starting to move away from the person I used to be, my thinking patterns changed, my associations with people changed. My philosophy on life started to change.

Those familiar with journeys of the spiritual path, will understand the ups and downs, its like a personality detox, with spirals, highs and dips, roller-coasters, etc. Its a lonely journey. It’s the kind of journey that prompts one to jump off the cliff, without the surety of a parachute or a safety net, but to instead place trust that all will be well regardless.

Ha !! Easily said ! 🙂

I started to discover an unfamiliar sense of peace and ease within. I was at a phase where I did not know where my next dollar was coming from, but it did not matter, I was happy, and strangely in spite of this, I felt a sense of stillness and peace within. This was a big contrast compared to an otherwise state of being when I was earning big bucks in the corporate world.

Hang on ! there was something wrong with this equation … or was there?

This aspect of the journey was a true “mixed bag of nuts” for me. I started finding myself, I was interacting with the world better, I was interacting with “me” better. I realized that while I could not change the people, the situation and the world around me, I instead had influence over the way I perceived and interacted with these.

But within that “mixed bag of nuts” came bouts of depression, loneliness, mood swings, withdrawing within. However, it was all part of that process of change. With that “detox”, the challenge was to recognize it as a process, a staging area leading up to another staging area and another.

I’ve always considered myself to be a loyal friend (to a fault). My word was my honor and I always tried to keep to my promises. For a very select few (new friends), I was just that. I’d be ready to drop everything in a blink of an eye to help if ever called upon, and I have done so. But alas, there was a critical time period when they were not there for me when I needed them most, as I would have been for them. I was alone once again to face my struggles on my own.

I remember all to well the days of crying on my own, in secret, so that no one would see, so that no one would know. Eventually, tired and exhausted, I begun to pull back.

“It was a process and I now recognize it as that”

As I was not in paid employment and too did not have a sustainable source of income, financial worries added to it, and that looming financial uncertainty took a big chunk out of me. Savings were drying up fast.  As a result, I even contemplated suicide a few times. Oddly though it was not due to depression but more as a practical, logical approach. My insurance policy would still pay out on suicide, hence I’d be assured that this way the family would be in relative financial stability … well in comparison. It all made logical sense (Accountant’s brain kicking in). Hee Hee !  🙂

I researched as to the best ways to end my life. Being the planner and perfectionist that I was,  I knew exactly how I was going to do it and the places where I could do it at. But I also had this desire that I needed to tie up all the loose ends first for the package to be complete. That aspect of addressing the “loose ends” instead became too hard to do and I eventually abandoned  that idea and moved on with life instead. Something had subtly nudged me into an alternate direction.

Me revealing this now, will be a surprise for many who know me and even my dear wife would not realize the true depths of what I’ve mentioned above. Still, if my story helps someone else on their path, it would have served a positive purpose.

But, deep down, somehow I knew I’d never take my own life. The Universe had bigger plans for me and I sensed it. For me it served as a process I had to go through to eventually come out at the other end. It was a process and I now recognize it as that.

“Hence, every step I took, every falter I encountered it would seem, served as a stepping stone, a launching pad, if you will, through my journey of change”

Through all of this time frame, no amount of therapy, energy work, etc. done on me seemed to produce any sort of apparent change or impact, though undoubtedly something was working at a deep / base level. I was probably just too much in my head to recognize it.

My interpretation from this was the Universe / God / Fate (take your pick) was telling me that I needed to sort “my shit” out on my own steam. No compassionate friend, healing or therapy was going to give me that magic pill.

For me it had to come the old fashion hard way, via self realization! Hard Yakka ! (an Aussie term, for those of you not in the know 🙂)

I understand now why this was so. All these challenges were in fact presenting me with invaluable lessons and knowledge for me to move forward and to get to where I am today. It also served well to enable me to help people who came to me for help.

Hence, every step I took, every falter I encountered it would seem, served as a stepping stone, a launching pad, if you will, through my journey of change. That very essence today forms one of the cornerstones of my personal philosophy.

Hence most of my change came through my own awareness, discovery, my own energy work done on myself.  I started  to recognize and be in harmony with the perceived “shortcomings” and “demons” within and in turn recognizing and appreciating that child of creation within.

One large aspect of this for a start, was me learning to move out from the busy thought patterns, the “Accountant’s Head”, the noise within and learning to manage the busy mind. In turn, I learnt to move down to the heart, my gut and to learn to feel and trust with that. I eventually learned to connect with and trust that inner voice, that niggling feeling within, that dream, that vision which at kept playing in my head and the resonance I felt with it.

I always had good intuition from way back, I just did not know it, I did not recognize it as such.

Self trust and self belief was something I truly struggled with, to overcome the volumes of self doubt within me. I was hard for me to accept that I could be special, that I was deserving. It was hard for me to accept compliments, that someone could actually see me as what I secretly wanted them to view me as. Aha ! that “secretly wanting others view me differently” was an inadequacy in itself !

It was bloody hard, I tell you, bloody hard !!! But the solution, the direction was in fact simple, Just Trust And Believe In Myself !, Change My Thought Patterns !

The only thing in my way was me !

“The knowing that I sought, came through me letting go of the need for expectations, the outcome. It came through me walking within the dark, not knowing, just trusting and accepting”

I’d say these days I’ve grown to hone my intuition, my psychic abilities and my gift to channel to an extent where at times I have to pinch myself to remind me that this is real, LOL ! 🙂

I’m able to listen to and trust my intuition, my higher self, more and more as time progresses. This has taken me working with clients, especially in Energy Healing, to a whole new level.

Most of my decisions these days are done from me searching within, my intuition, my gut, just trusting. Gone are the days of analysis paralysis and the stress and anxiety that came with it.

So, for those of you struggling with your own “perceived inadequacies”, know that your beauty,  your greatness, your essence lies with the greater sum of your own “imperfections” ..warts and all.

“You do not need “fixing”, for you are “perfect” within your “imperfections”. All you may require is an awareness, a recognition, a rediscovery of the beauty and power of you within …. and once you achieve that, you will recalibrate, grow and become new and improved versions of yourselves.

Know too, that the journey and the learning never ends.”

There’s more I can write, more stories I can tell, but I’ll end it for now. Potentially there could be a Part Two to this somewhere, but it has not been written yet. Hence till Part Two then.

If you’ve read this far, I thank you for your patience and for taking the time read through. Would love to hear your comments and would love to hear about your journey as well … Blessings to you.

I leave you with this clip, simply because this tune has been playing in my head the entire time I’ve been writing this. In a way its reflective of aspects of me overcoming myself, or it may resonate with one of you out there. The amazing, inspirational and brave Mandy Harvey.

“Try”

Lessons From The Rose Bush

Perhaps you were once (or still are) like a beautiful rose bush. You stood out, had beautiful foliage, displayed this awesome spray of vibrant flowers, so fragrant. Yes, you had your share of thorns as well, but these were well shielded and overshadowed by your sheer beauty. People liked you and you possibly even stood as feature in the entire garden.

You Get Pruned

One fine day “the gardener” comes along and brutally cuts you down, he takes away from you everything that you see as you, your beautiful flowers, the slender branches that gave you form and shape, your beautiful green foliage, all gone. All that’s left behind are bare stems, unsightly, naked, the beauty gone, the thorns within you now clearly visible and stark.

Inner Alignment Rose pruning

One may ask, seriously dude ?, why on earth would you cut down a perfect and beautiful growing rose bush. I’m guessing it took a while for it to reach this stage and it probably had its share of challenges to overcome to be where it is now. At face value, it certainly seems ridiculous and unfair to the plant .. like why ?

Such is life, one may say. One day, life’s a bed of roses, the next day we are struck down bare. How many of us have gone through similar, an illness, cancer, a break up, a loss of someone, kicked out of a job, thrown into the deepest and darkest of places, the list goes on.

The Challenge

It can be hard to pick up the pieces, hard to make sense and meaning out of all this. Some of us just get dragged down so much, it’s just difficult to bounce back. You hate the world, you hate your life, you hate yourself. At times suicide may even seem like a viable option. Others in comparison trudge along, but the sparkle is gone, life’s just a drag spinning round and round.

Then there others where all this can resemble water off a duck’s back , they move on, they become more resilient, they bounce back like one of those bouncy balls.

So, why is this ? Why do different people react differently to similar circumstances. Now I say this with the utmost respect for each of your situations as I’ve not lived your life, I’ve not felt your pain, how could I know what you’ve gone through. I don’t ! and I’d never presume to know.

The Lessons

However, what we take from life can be connected to what we perceive of life and of the trials and tribulations of life. “Can be connected” Ha ha .. I’m being light with my words here, in fact perception is everything !!

Lets comeback to the rose bush. Usually the rose bush, if left to its own devices, unattended and left to grow on its own, can get rather gangly and unsightly, spreading out. Resources and nutrients are spread across and between maintenance, growth of these gangly branches and to flowering. Sometimes the bush starts to seed at the expense of flowering. This whole gangly thing can get even more unsightly during the colder months and when spring comes, new growth which produce a new burst of flowers can happen. However sometimes, as in this case, there can be inadequate opportunity for new growth, new vibrancy to happen when the rose bush is the way it is.

And such is life too.

Part of the science behind the practice of pruning of roses during winter is to stimulate and encourage new growth and vibrancy come spring. To let nature take its course, to trigger the plant’s blueprint to overcome, to survive and thrive. To regrow what’s been lost, and quite often in turn, with greater vigour.

“something may have to die first for something new to grow”

The Choice

So ! Let’s come back to the concept of perception. What can you make of the “pruning” that’s taken place in your life ? Yes, it could be seen as unfair, you did not deserve it, it is real, you’re living it and it can be hard for others to understand this at times.

But, it’s said that so long as we hold on to the negative effects of what’s happened, the reality of our life can turn out to be just that. Hence the choice is ours !

One could choose to see it as just that or alternatively choose to move on, look for the lessons within, learn from it and find a way to allow the pruning to nurture the new growth and vibrancy within you. Could this perhaps been part of the greater plan in your life?

I’ll leave it here, perhaps touch more on this in a later blog. But if you have been “pruned”, do take a chance to consider “that outside of the box”, the hidden meanings, the hidden lessons within the “pruning”.

Know too that we can inadvertently entrap ourselves within that deep and dark place by totally accepting and unwittingly being too accustomed to it. It comes down to a matter of choice of perception. At times “You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.